Hearts Not Parts Makes me Want to Puke

AN: in this I use the term x-sexual. Though currently this rhetoric is disturbingly prevalent predominantly in  certain circles I chose to use “x” because the logic still stands and like an 1800’s masquerade attendee idiocy changes masks often but is the same underneath so for longevity sake I use x sexual. X stands for any number of sexualities and groups that at the time might be doing a certain behavior. There are no such thing as xsexuals in reality. It is a value place holder.

” I fall in love with people not genitals!” ” x-sexuality means you fall in love with a person not their genitals/gender” or my current fav ” xsexual means you love a person for who they are.In short true love”
These are all examples of rhetoric I have seen on the web and heard in real life.
I understand that this rhetoric started as a counter narrative to the heterosexist myths of over sexed gays and especially bisexuals.It did and still does work in dialog occasionally.But it has over time and with the emergence of the Anything But Bisexual (ABB) movement and the quest to be The Queerest of Them All by young newly out nonmonosexuals turned into something all together loathes some.I see slogans like this on graphics that zip across the web and paint one sexuality as better, a sexuality of ” true love!/genderblindness”!

Lets look at this again ok?
Every one of those slogans has an under current.It seems cute at first and all but underneath it is a venomous poison.
If xsexuality means ” you like a person for who they are not their parts”/” it’s true love”/” fall in love with people ” that implies that all non xsexuals DO fall in live with ONLY genitals.That the love experienced by gays,lesbians,straights and bisexuals is not “true love” that love is some how lesser or fake.This includes you.This means that all non xsexuals only want sex.And if the “born this way” rhetoric often employed shortly after these statements are made, it means that forever and ever all people who are not xsexual are a lesser class of being.

Now who does that rhetoric sound like? Lesser class of person…oversexed..only want sex…can’t love…
Oh right every heterosexist bigot oppressor EVER.

So knock it off and think about what you say and who you sound like.
Before I puke all over you.



Filed under Bisexuality, LGBT Writing, Trans*

8 responses to “Hearts Not Parts Makes me Want to Puke

  1. Andy

    As with any social movement, there are those who embrace a good idea and take it to the dangerous territory of dogma – what’s good for me is good for everybody and EVERYBODY SHOULD SEE THINGS EXACTLY THE WAY I DO. We get useless but impassioned rhetoric and intolerance of intolerance and those who are different, and both are dangerous.

    As one who most closely aligns with the x-sexual ideals (I don’t really like to define it – I don’t see why it should be defined), “hearts not parts” makes sense for me (note the “for me” bit – I have had to try to explain this concept to my family and friends, and this is a very simple way of getting it across). It makes sense because that’s what love is all about. But take that attitude towards love and twist it into an identity? Suddenly we’re right back to the putting-people-in-boxes thing the whole movement is trying to discard, and those who find themselves attracted to only one gender are excluded from the notion that we love people for who they are rather than how they’re shaped. There’s no accounting for attraction – we can’t choose who we fall for.

    • Dude, x-sexual isn’t a real thing. It is like a math problem where “x” stands in for any number of prefixes.It says so right there in the piece.

      • And the whole “Hearts Not Parts” BS attempts to desexualize sex until it’s the erotic equivalent of the Breathairian Diet. You can’t taste the rainbow unless you put a skittle in your mouth.

  2. I truly believe and agree with your writing. I feel sad for all the ones who can’t or won’t be real and true to themselves and others. Thankx for your honesty.

  3. Becky

    This sums up why I’m not jumping on the pansexual bandwagon. Discussions of bisexuality are derailed with comments like “I’m pansexual and betterthanyou because I don’t even notice physical characteristics and bisexuals only like the binary” (hey, can you stop stuffing words into my mouth?) You know, liking certain physical characteristics in a sex partner does not make someone a bad person. There is this thing called platonic love where anyone can love anyone else regardless of physical criteria. People would be better off emphasizing that than idealizing one sexual orientation. It comes off as proselytizing quite a lot.

  4. ettinacat

    I don’t think “only wanting sex” is a bad thing, if you’re honest about it ahead of time. Just like to mention that.

  5. Neko

    That’s quite some clever writing. It shows that this slogan is flawed and can be used in hypocritical ways; it is something that I hadn’t noticed before.

  6. Some person

    Yeah… I agree with you. In my experience, it usually goes something like this:
    Random Person: “I like parts not hearts”
    A bunch of people: “This is actually hurtful and offensive because it condescends to everyone else”
    Person: “That is not my intended meaning and it’s not my fault you see it this way”
    Bunch of people: “We’re not saying it was your intention. We’re saying your intention doesn’t matter. The impact of your words is still hurtful and offensive”
    Person: “That’s the same logic religious conservatives say to support bans on gay marriage”
    Bunch of people: “What? It’s not the same at all. One is illogical hate from outsiders, the other is a discussion within the community”
    Person: “Then you make yourself the arbiter of what’s acceptable and suppressing my free speech”
    Bunch: “Actually the community is the arbiter, and you’re the one trying to suppress all other opinions and impose your view on everyone else.”
    Person: “After all these years of hiding myself from real bigots, I will defend my right to silence, guilt-trip and generally be a total asshole to people who are in fact on my side”
    Bunch: “What? We’re not persecuting you, we’re establishing healthy boundaries by telling you how your speech makes us feel. If you keep crossing them, you’re the one alienating yourself.”
    Person: * keeps going in the same way, half the time establishes own opinion as the new norm and everything else as whatever-phobic*

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