“God You’re Fat” or What Misgendering Feels Like.

(Trigger Warnings: misgendering,transphobia,cissexism,fat shaming,self harm,suicide,depression)
The nice woman from behind the counter smiles sweetly and hands you the bag, “Have a nice Day! God you are fat!” She waves as you slink out of the store.She doesn’t know any better you console yourself.You go to see some work colleagues.”Nice to see you! Ready to work on those ideas?! Good god you are fat!” They exclaim at you.You blush and tug at your clothes. ” Actually Im really not..could you please not say that?” The coworker laughs and says ” well if you just LOOKED less hideously fat it would be easier!” Your face is red.You go to work. After work you go to the local support group for people in situations like yours. ” Yes you had something to share lardass?” The leader asks.You stammer out that you don’t like being called that.You are not comfortable with it and it denotes a negative connotations to fatness that is wrong you point out.”But..but” you stammer. “Besides,not calling you that is to hard and weird!” The conversation moves on.”hideous,fatass,jumbo,ugly” thats how everyone refers to you.Even those who know you hate it do nothing. You cry inside.You go home to vent a bit online.” If you dont like it make a petition to get people like you taught in schools!” ” if you get so angry no one will listen!” ” who cares! Its no big deal!” Come the replies from friends. ” maybe if you looked less..fat and hideous but until then I’m calling you that”. You look in the mirror.Maybe you ARE a fat hideous monster.Maybe they are right.You dont deserve respect.You go get your razor and begin slicing.Alone in the dark. The next morning the bus driver greets you ” good morning ugly troll!” As he swings the door open.” Aren’t you sleepy this morning troll face!” Chirps your professor.” Troll.Cave troll.” Eat any goats today?” The day goes on.At the end you sit alone in front of the mirror.” Maybe I am a ugly troll” Soon all the ” maybes” become ” I am-s” Soon the pain and hate at the mirror become to great.Corpses cant be “too” anything.Corpses can only rot in silence. Imagine going through that.Day in and day out.Over and over.People pointing out your greatest insecurities.For me one of them has always been my weight.I know this is true for millions as well.Whatever it is you hate over and over. For me this is what misgendering and refusal to use proper pronoyns feels like.Some you learn to shrug off.Like the cashier and bus driver.But others,co workers,friends and allies are harder and cut much deeper.As a trans* person having my assigned sex at birth (ASAB) constantly pointed out while my true gender is ignored is one of my greatest insecurities. This is what it is like to be misgendered.This is that pain.Please think before you speak or type.Especially if you want to call yourself an ally or friend.Using the correct name and pronouns is NOT ABOUT YOU.It is about respect and the dignity of the person.Misgendering denies the reality of the person and thus their dignity as a human.If a trans* person complains about being misgendered it is not your place to derail the discussion in any way.No ” but you’re to angry!/not all of us do that/ what about the GOOD ones?(aka pat me on the back Im uncomfortable!) Or anything found at http://www.derailingfordummies.com doing this makes you the oppressor and part of the persons on going pain.So don’t.

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2 Comments

Filed under LGBT Writing

2 responses to ““God You’re Fat” or What Misgendering Feels Like.

  1. I really wish there were a gender-neutral alternative to he/she (other than the dehumanising ‘it’ of course, because if you don’t know the person, you can’t really know wether she’s a girl who likes wearing boyish clothes, or if he identifies as a male. I know it wouldn’t solve much, but at least people would have an easier time speaking about it, hopefully in a good way. The way most languages (at least the European ones that I know anything about) work, means you have to know someones gender to be able to talk about them, without referring to their names all the time.

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