Monthly Archives: December 2012

The Trevor Project Was Wrong: What Katy Perry Needs to Do to Make Things Right

The Trevor Project recently gave Katy Perry an award.That is utter frelling B.S.To save time and space go hereto read why Perry is a biphobic,transphobic,homophobic bigot.
So what,in this quests opinion would it take to soothe my wrath and get me to buy her cs’s?

1: Remove “Ur so Gay” and “I kissed a Girl” from all future printings of “One of the Boys” album.Never perform them live again.Stop all printing of the singles.Take the “I kissed a Girl” video down from her official youtube.Also remove them from itunes/other digital venues

2: Donate any remaining money from those songs to Bisexual and Lesbian charity groups and the money from “Gay” to suicide prevention and education.

3: Apologize and take responsibility for the harm her songs and attitudes have caused.Specifically to the bisexual and trans* community

4: Work with trans* advocacy groups to put an end to her transphobia and cissexism

Do those 4 things and I might,just might consider her next Cd.I might even someday consider her an ally.But she will have to do those things to prove she is serious.Serious about the very real damage her actions have done.


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Filed under Bisexuality, LGBT Writing, Trans*

Bi vs Pan vs Poly: Defining Without Being a Jerk

I’ve seen far,far to many posts around the internet asking for a definition of pansexual,polysexual etc or how they relate to bisexuality.Nothing inherently wrong with this per say.But about 4 sentences into the answer everything devolves into a giant cluaterfrell of policing,negativity and just plain lazyness.
So here let me clear this up for you for each type of question I’ve seen

Step 1: receive question about ” define poly/pan/omni ”
Step 2: check to see if you are any of those.If yes give the definition most used by you and others.If no try and find a well researched definition that is inclusive,does not rely on negatively defining some other sexuality AND is made by the people who are that sexuality.
Step 3: post

“What is the difference between bisexual and x?”
Step 1: if you are x define if no refer to Step 2 of previous.
Step 2: consult either places such as BiNet USA or other prominent bisexual orgs or author’s such as Robyn Ochs.
Step 3: post info from them
Step 4: Check yourself for any policing or other douche baggary.
Step 5: post
Step 6: if real bisexual or people of x sexuality tell you did wrong accept it,apologize and change it.
Even if it means that you or x seem “less queer”/”less hip”.Cause come on let’s be honest here, a lot of the redefining of bi against the experience of bisexuals has more to do with the fear and insecurity of being “not queer enough/cool enough” then it does with the persons inability to successfully google up bisexual resources.


Book mark this if you have to.

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Tell Me One More Time (Gender Blind)

Tell me one more time.Again.Tell me how you don’t see my gender.
Tell me how,with your cool holster smile,how you are gone.Gone beyond seeing my gender.Enlightenment hail! How this gender,this body is a blank space for your eyes.You only see me.
Tell me how others are dirty,below you for seeing it.For lusting for it or passing over it.
Tell me again how you are blind to gender.
This gender I have struggled with to find words to articulate.
This gender that I have bled for.Cried for.Nearly died for.
This gender that I carve out of my body,out of the world,daily.
This bleeding screaming,binding,tucking,gnawing thing that is it.
This laughter at found friends and the tears as old ones leave.
This gender that I love and live in.
This gender that I fight for,that many have died for.

Tell me again how you are blind to it.Tell me how all that doesn’t matter.How enlightened you are because of it.
How you only see “me”.

Because if you truely believe that you are blind.Because you can not see me at all.


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“God You’re Fat” or What Misgendering Feels Like.

(Trigger Warnings: misgendering,transphobia,cissexism,fat shaming,self harm,suicide,depression)
The nice woman from behind the counter smiles sweetly and hands you the bag, “Have a nice Day! God you are fat!” She waves as you slink out of the store.She doesn’t know any better you console yourself.You go to see some work colleagues.”Nice to see you! Ready to work on those ideas?! Good god you are fat!” They exclaim at you.You blush and tug at your clothes. ” Actually Im really not..could you please not say that?” The coworker laughs and says ” well if you just LOOKED less hideously fat it would be easier!” Your face is red.You go to work. After work you go to the local support group for people in situations like yours. ” Yes you had something to share lardass?” The leader asks.You stammer out that you don’t like being called that.You are not comfortable with it and it denotes a negative connotations to fatness that is wrong you point out.”But..but” you stammer. “Besides,not calling you that is to hard and weird!” The conversation moves on.”hideous,fatass,jumbo,ugly” thats how everyone refers to you.Even those who know you hate it do nothing. You cry inside.You go home to vent a bit online.” If you dont like it make a petition to get people like you taught in schools!” ” if you get so angry no one will listen!” ” who cares! Its no big deal!” Come the replies from friends. ” maybe if you looked less..fat and hideous but until then I’m calling you that”. You look in the mirror.Maybe you ARE a fat hideous monster.Maybe they are right.You dont deserve respect.You go get your razor and begin slicing.Alone in the dark. The next morning the bus driver greets you ” good morning ugly troll!” As he swings the door open.” Aren’t you sleepy this morning troll face!” Chirps your professor.” Troll.Cave troll.” Eat any goats today?” The day goes on.At the end you sit alone in front of the mirror.” Maybe I am a ugly troll” Soon all the ” maybes” become ” I am-s” Soon the pain and hate at the mirror become to great.Corpses cant be “too” anything.Corpses can only rot in silence. Imagine going through that.Day in and day out.Over and over.People pointing out your greatest insecurities.For me one of them has always been my weight.I know this is true for millions as well.Whatever it is you hate over and over. For me this is what misgendering and refusal to use proper pronoyns feels like.Some you learn to shrug off.Like the cashier and bus driver.But others,co workers,friends and allies are harder and cut much deeper.As a trans* person having my assigned sex at birth (ASAB) constantly pointed out while my true gender is ignored is one of my greatest insecurities. This is what it is like to be misgendered.This is that pain.Please think before you speak or type.Especially if you want to call yourself an ally or friend.Using the correct name and pronouns is NOT ABOUT YOU.It is about respect and the dignity of the person.Misgendering denies the reality of the person and thus their dignity as a human.If a trans* person complains about being misgendered it is not your place to derail the discussion in any way.No ” but you’re to angry!/not all of us do that/ what about the GOOD ones?(aka pat me on the back Im uncomfortable!) Or anything found at doing this makes you the oppressor and part of the persons on going pain.So don’t.


Filed under LGBT Writing


I went back to my parents house recently to pack up some of the things I had left there,books mostly,a few photos and really rad toys.As I cleared out an old bookshelf I found a plastic spiral book,complete with laminated yellow construction paper cover.It was a story book made for a second grade project.Each page had lined paper at the top,the kind with the little dashes in the middle so you can shape the letters better,and a blank space at the bottom for a picture.Mine was about some archaeologists who find an” Egyptian tomb with a a gem in it,which by the way is totally cursed.” Direct qoute there.”The archaeologist touched it and is turned into a jaguar man! Oh! I forgot to mention the cat goddess Bastet had cursed it”- another direct qoute there.
Long short story short the jaguar goes on a killing spree and they trick him back into the tomb with another shiny gem and slam the doors shut.Basically burying him alive.The moral of this story was either “don’t be greedy and steal gems!” Or “always follow correct archaeological documentation procedure when entering a field site”.

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Filed under Non LGBT Writings

Post Schedule

In order for this blog to run as smoothly as possible I am going to try and adhere to a post scheduale:

-The start of each week will be a reposting of a former Bi Social Network Article.Sometimes these will be expanded upon and updated.These updates and expansions will be noted in the text themselves.

-Sometime during the week I will have an original post to this blog, time and health permitting.

-if I can not think of an orginal post I will most likely reblog and discuss a post or text

Things will carry on in this manor until I run out of older things and  it only becomes the other two all the time.

So sit back and enjoy!

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A Very Bi Holiday(Previously on Bi Social Network)

(Note: This was originally published on the Web Site Bi Social Network last holiday season)

A Very Bi Holiday Season: Decorating and Dealing


It is coming, an event even harder to escape from then a Black Friday shopping mob attacking one another over the last Blu-Ray player. The holiday season dun dun duuun! Now that most of us have emerged from the Turkey induced coma that was Thanksgiving we have a great task before us. Decorating for the holiday of our choice this winter and dealing with the large amounts of time with extended family and the awkwardness that can bring. First we will deal with that and then move onto some fun bi themed decorating ideas.(Warning: I am in no way Martha Stewart so use at your own risk!)

Maybe like me, you managed to avoid a large family thanksgiving and are now worried that while you may have escaped the uncomfortableness of that one time meal you know have a whole month and a few days for relatives to drop in for longer times. Relatives like; Conservative Uncle Joe, Great Aunt Tilly, Loud Mouth Cousin Lenny and Over Sharing Sister Sara. Most families seem to have these types of characters in them. Uncle Joe will loudly talk about how “the gays” are taking over the world, or marriage equality is destroying marriage! Great Aunt Tilly can’t remember your name and talks about Farmville too much and then Loud Mouth Lenny and Over Sharing Sara embarrass or out you to everyone causing a huge awkward silence. What is a bi person to do?!


Well unless you are already out and your family is cool with you (adopt me? Please?) Being bisexual this could cause some issues. The best bet is to get to the problem people first and fast. An e-mail to Lenny and Sara asking them not to out you may solve the problem. But if it does happen anyway the best you can do is be honest and open about things at that moment.

Another issue that arises is when you want to invite your partner over for the holiday festivities. This can be very tricky. Sometimes Loud Mouth Lenny and Over Sharing Sara have already managed to notify the rest of the family ahead of time and you have dealt with any fall out already. If not, then it is up to you what you want to do, come out  few weeks before hand and then bring your partner or surprise them all and just show up.It can be very hard to maneuver this stuff but one golden rule is this: You are not responsible for other people’s reactions to things.”(I heard Mr Spock say this on a episode of Star Trek so it must be true!)

Now onto decorating ideas! If you have a pet like I do, ornaments are really just glass and plastic grenades hanging in wait to be blown to bits with the flick of a tail. So this year I had the idea of going to the craft store and purchase some of those Styrofoam balls used to make solar systems(and then bounce Mars off your siblings head) and paint them Bi pride colors, or wrap them in bi colored ribbons or glitter. You can also decorate your tree or house with bi pride colored ornaments. At places such as Wal-Mart I’ve seen plenty of pink, purple and blue ornaments of all kinds, from snowflakes to birds. Looking for an outside light show? LED lights in bi colors could look nice or the old stand by rainbow lights can make your house visible and easy for relatives to find (whether that is a good thing or a bad thing, I will leave up to the reader).


Already on social media sites like Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr I’ve seen everything from bi pride menorah’s and Hanukah bushes to rainbow tree’s and Bi and Rainbow Lunar New Years Snakes! So even if you don’t want to decorate your house or apartment you can still join in on the fun online!

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Filed under Bi Social Network Article Archive